Bozgratch

The funeral will be held at:

Ansberg-West Mortuary

(for location and mapping click the link)

3300 W Sylvania Avenue, Toledo Ohio

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Visitation beginning at 11 AM

Service at 1 PM.

The family has been so touched by their care for dad that In lieu of flowers we request that you make donations in honor of Frank Lawson Burke to:

Hospice of Northwest Ohio

800 Detroit Avenue

Toledo, OH

Thanks

At 3:30 am Frank finished his course, peacefully, quietly.

We don’t expect to meet with the mortuary to finalize arrangements until later today. (The mortuary has services this morning and may be busy) Our preference would be to so the memorial service on Saturday if possible.

Thank you all for your sustaining prayers.

I’ve been thinking about this overnight and just to be clear I want to make sure you realize that dad is essentially in a coma at this point.

It should not be surprizing, I guess I just have not wanted to use the word.

He’s slowly fading.

Respiration slowing down, longer pauses between breaths, no pain:  that’s about all we can say for sure.

Frank is simply running out of steam.

Fred and Lisa said their good byes today – they return to Tahoe tomorrow morning.

Mike will do some yardwork so Frank is not embarrassed about his lawn!  the neighbors have been out and cleaned up their yards — dad would be fussing and fretting to get out there too — so good ole’ Mike will be his surrogate.

Each day here I am impressed by two things:

• Dad’s inner reserve
• How lucky we are to have Mike as a Son In Law

Along with the tough parts, there are always good.  God is good, all the time.

Breathing is so labored that it’s amazing he has the strength to continue — but he’s setting the schedule not us.  We’re just here to support him.

Not much to tell.

Dad’s decline continues. No pain. Not MUCH change but just a steady slowing down.

The last few days at the hospital (when he was transitioning from fighting to letting go) he kept saying “why is everyone pushing me.” And now he’s decided to just take his time. No one’s pushing, no one’s dragging their feet — we keep letting him know it’s all up to him… fast, slow, whatever he wants.

His face is so sunken now that he LOOKS a lot different than even the last few days – but his journey has been long and he’s been faithful to Him who called him to each step along way way.

I’m glad Frank has his faith — he always wanted people to know about God’s kingdom at his funeral — now he’s about to enter into that kingdom that affected so much of what he did and how he lived. For a simple man he found wonderful ways of internalizing his faith and making a simple life as much like what he believed as possible. He didn’t need to preach — he just lived.

Another busy day for Frank, though he didn’t really get to enjoy any of it.

Katy and Mel headed home in the late morning.  Mike is staying here with mom and I.

Bill & Kathy were in to see dad, as were Phyllis & Reba, and Gloria.

Fred & Lisa stay till Wednesday so there were stories a-tellin’, and yarns a’ravelin’ and smiles and frowns and ups and downs.

For Frank, however the day was pretty basic.  He slept most of the day with little wakefullness, increasing twitching and increased medication.  His heart rate is steady but his rhythmn is irregular. He is comfortable and at peace, but slowly declining.  As this evening’s nurse said, “he’s a strong little guy.”

It is hard to have to continually try to calm, assure, convince individuals who cannot accept that this has been Frank’s choice, or who cannot accept the turn of events.

For those who see this as a sudden 8 week event we  can only say that if they had been present with dad over the past 2 years of decline, if they had known how tired he has been this whole time, how difficult a variety of things have been for HIM — even though he has always tried to be there for family when THEY needed help, then perhaps they would understand that what THEY think they are seeing as a sudden change of personality is not so sudden at all, and that after two years of decline, topped off by surgical events that could not have been predicted after delaying a needful surgery until he his doctor told him either have the surgery or call hospice — had they seen what was there all along to see and not turned a blind eye — then the events which got him in hospice might be more understandable.  But I have no problem turning out of the room those who speak in front of him as if he made poor or wrong choices.  It’s not OUR place to understand Frank’s choice — it’s none of any one’s business why he made the choices he made — It’s our place to respect and support and comfort one of the most wonderful men we all have known these many years through a difficult period for HIM.  He has always been there for others.  Now is time for others to lift HIM up and support HIM.

Frank has always been one to not want to worry anyone, to be there for family and friends when they called. This is but a case of his pouring out his own life for the benefit of others until he had too little left for himself to get through his own crisis.

It troubles me that some have a hard time accepting Frank’s choice.  To me, as a son-in-law, it’s disrespectful of a man I may have known for less time than some others, but who was a wonderful example of everything a father-in-law and a man ought to be.  I know that surrender is viewed by some as a bad choice — but there are many a time when surrender is more sweet than victory and when the lesson that God is in control of our life is more important than trying to set our own course through life. Sometimes we need simply to be still and know that He is God.

So many people speak of faith — Frank is exercising his faith right now.  Non-believers may not understand that.  But the peace of God DOES surpass all understanding. In his own quiet way he is looking forward to once again being with Margaret, to once again being whole, at ease and confident in the God who sent his Son to earth to die for his sins.  Faith is about more than words, and Frank is showing his faith right now: but having fought a good faith and leaving the rest to God.  Frank knows whom he believes.  He trusts the God who made him. And going home to be with God, with Jesus who died for him, is not a thing to be feared, nor at this time even delayed.

Frank,  when the time comes for you finally to leave us, smile upon those who misjudge you and who could not and cannot understand all that you went through.  For to them too belong God’s kingdom and one day they too will know the Power of the Almighty and the Mercy of Jesus.

Amen & Amen

As I said when we moved from the hospital to hospice I am writing less in detail about Frank’s days now just because I don’t know that the morbid details are all that worth writing.

Ray asked about Frank’s address at hospice and I told him and am suggesting to you all to send mail / cards to 519.  Mike, Katie, Mel, Fred & Lisa are all staying at the house and they can bring the mail when they come…. people are coming and going at various times during the day.

Peg & I have been overnighting with Frank. More like living WITH him. Myself since Thursday last week, Peggy since she arrived in Toledo on Sunday.  This is not a time we want him to be alone.  It was a hard decision for him to make to surrender, the least we can do is be supportive of him by staying at his side.  The others come and go during the day as they have opportunity.

Phyllis was up today.  Dad and she had a little time alone.  Each of the families have had time today so they could spend with him saying their goodbyes.

No one is predicting how long this well take.  He is not receiving food or water and his reserves are limited — but even in surrender he will choose his own time to let go and no one is hurrying him out the proverbial door.

Staff here are keeping his secretions undercontrol, and the pain as well.  Each day sees some decline.  No one is asking, and no one is predicting how much longer he has — it’s not a question we care about.  We want him comfortable for the time he chooses to remain with us.
The weather here was wonderful today, high 70’s.  We got the nursing staff to assist us rolling his bed out of the room and onto a patio so he could see the sky, feel the breezes, and get a little sun on his arms.  He enjoyed that a lot.  He almost cried trying to make clear that he was thanking Mike and those who helped make it possible.  He’s still the same sweet man he always has been.

But aside from that there was not much communication.  Shrugs and raised eyebrows are the favorite responses. On the few attempts to get a word out he is so quiet and slurred that it’s almost impossible to understand most of the time.  He’s simply fading away.

Please keep praying.

L, Peter

Dad had a lot of visitors today.

Fred & Lisa arrived, Bill & Kathy visited, Mike, Katie & Mel were here, and Gloria visited.  Dad saw the doctor and his quota of nurses.  Most of the visitations were greeted with little real response.  Some attempts to acknowledge but mostly slumber.

A couple meds continue, including morphine for pain.

More than that, it’s just a gentle decline.

After a night marked by continuing and ever worsening esophageal gurglings he had visitors today.

He roused when the kids arrived, stayed fairly alert during the early part of their visit.

Hospice began giving robinol to reduce secretions (easing the gurgling), and some pain meds for discomfort. He is now on a gentle regimen of regular pain management.

He is peaceful, making his peace and giving his blessings and advice to the family, including permission to drive his car. And for those who know how important that car is giving permission for “everyone” to drive he car is an amazing statement.

He rests much more comfortably now, some of the problematic symptoms are nearly gone and he is at peace.

Fred & Lisa arrive tomorrow. I hope he recognizes them. We think it will be so.

In the meantime Mike and I made funeral arrangements, we’re using the same mortuary that buried Margaret 38 yrs ago. Mom and Dad will rest together — head to toe…. even back then there were not two adjoining spots, but they’re still together. All these years he has returned to the grave to place flowers at Margaret’s grave each anniversary of her death. It’s only fitting that their remains abide together just as they will soon be reunited.