Bozgratch

I’ve been here several hours already.  Robin the NA is with him again and Jillian is his nurse.

Grehan the surgeon was in early, after his grumpy nurse assistant, the one with no personality, came in to write things down very officiously.  Grehan’s concern is no longer about personal comfort.  He says it doesn’t matter at this point whether dad wants to do things, at this point there are things he has to do otherwise he risks further chances of recovery.

Changes from Grehan are:

• Shower on alternating days
• Have HIM go to therapy instead of therapy coming to him. (get around the hospital and see something, move about, excitement, activity, stimulus.)
• Have him sitting up a couple times a day  and looking out the window.

I confronted Sarikonda about why it had been so long after Frank’s complaint about fatique and the first echograms  before they did a stress test and catheterization.    He said that Frank had been refusing to consider surgery for several months and that you just cant disregard the patient’s wishes in matters like that.  Supposedly there had been several discussions about surgery and in the end Sarikonda says that he told Frank that if he did NOT have the surgery he should call HOSPICE, because the risks of surgery were lower than the risk of sudden catastrophic events.   So, I don’t know if we were excessively it appears concerned about Sarikonda or if he just knew how to disarm my concerns.

PT and OT have been in and he cooperated.  I mentioned how little he moves his right arm and they did some specific tests to see how much strength he has in that arm and it’s much less than the right.  An area of concern for the future.

    The family got off in good order after giving gramps his b-day cards and balloons.

Afterwards I stayed on for a while before coming back home to try to put some order to the boxes of stuff I brought along.

We had a nice conversation, with dad even talking about how nice it was to just sit and talk without interruptions.  We discussed:

Therapy –  his take — “too much.”

He mentioned a couple times that he doesn’t understand why it’s taking him so long to get going again.  So,  good chance to talk about what he went through during the surgery and just WHY his recovery is taking time.

We talked about getting him well enough so that he can come to Milwaukee for a visit — us driving him there and back — that really perked him up.  Whether it’s realistic or not,  who knows but it was good seeing him take a positive interest.

We talked about construction in Chicago and how nice it would be not to have to drive through himself.

We talked about the doctor’s orders to sit up and he says the sitting UP is not so hard — it’s the GETTING up that’s the hard part — he’s not too keen on that, but heck, I don’t think I would be either.

We talked a lot about Peggy.  He loves her so much.  Kept mentioning how strong she is.  Which of course made MY chest proud. I’m so proud of her myself.

Sarah and Kim are on today.  Kim was in several times, Sarah gave him a suppository and then disappeared.  I noticed he had a BP spike around 8pm last night 187/161 — wanted to inquire about that — since then it’s been hovering around 87/48 — not great but better’n  it was.

I really love that ole guy.   When we talked about his 85th b-day he said he can’t believe he made it this far.  We both laughed about that.  His sense of humor is intact.

This afternoon I’m going to take along my scissors and comb so as to give him a haircut.  He’s already been shaved — sort of.  I want to ask the nurse if it’s ok to shave him with a regular razor and shaving cream — I’m sure he’d feel more like a guy if we did that.

The floor was quiet this morning,  and I decided to keep the door as much closed as possible when I’m there.  Cuts down the noise and it’s eaiser to make out his words…. There are certain phonetic sounds that are just incredibly difficult to understand.  So, we talked (both of us — not just me talking AT him) about how important it is to exercise his tongue.  And he really wants a cuppa coffee.

    We were out yesterday and bought some b-day balloons for Frank.  Plans were for us to take them to him and spend some time last evening at the hospital.

He had been sitting up so long, had his shower and then went for dialysis — so when he got back to the room he was zonked.  We arrived around 6 for a visit and he was snoring away…. Actually a good sign — he hasn’t been sleeping all that well most of the time in the hospital.

So, we did the decent thing and let him sleep with the idea that we’d stop back and the kids and Peg would say their goodbye’s .

We went out and had dinner.  A small anniversary celebration for the kids who were married on Frank’s b-day.  After dinner Peg decided to call back to the hospital to see whether he was awake.  Turns out he was still sound asleep.  They washed him up, get him ready for the evening and he SLEPT through the whole thing.  Poor old boy MUST have been tired.

So, in a couple hours we’ll head back over, Peg and the family will say good bye and head back to Milwaukee.  Depending on how rested he is I’ll either stay for part of the day or return home for a couple hours.

At this point I need to make all the acquaintances,  ask some questions about how much therapy or rest I should be encouraging and figure out how to fill the big shoes Peggy is leaving behind.

Well, the rest of the family are still asleep and I think I’ll go lay down on the sofa.  But it’s so wonderfully quiet this time of the morning.

I love y’all.  Take care.

Peter

Frank @ O’hare Airport, a couple years ago at Christmas time.

(Accompanied by Katie & Peg)

With Mike, Katie & Mel in town we went up to see Dad en masse this morning.

When we arrived he was already sitting up in a chair — AND — he had finally gotten the first shower in 5+ weeks that the doctor ordered LAST Friday. Long story that… misunderstandings, nursing shortage, laziness, etc.

But by the time we arrived he was already getting pretty tired. He’d been snoozing upright in the chair and was pretty groggy. Not exactly out-of-it but not as interactive as he has been on good days in the past.

He was moving his legs around a little, not much movement in his arms and when he was mostly upright it was a bit scary when he looked as if he might topple over.

One of the GI doctors came in to check on him. They were still monitoring for blood in his stool from the episode 48 hours previous without recurrence.

Dad was trying to talk with Mike about something having to do with his car, but “Mike” and “car” .

The entire issue of communication has been one of the most frustrating parts of his continuing weakness. Today and for the past 3 or 4 days his voice has been so incredibly weak that it’s really really hard to hear/understand him. If I were to make a value judgment I’d have to say that his ability to communicate is weakening. IN part because it’s harder to hear him and in part because it must be frustrating for him to have to continually repeat himself.

The question about motivation and will to live, will to recover, will to exercise & work to get better is near the forefront of our concerns. He has an immensely rugged road ahead of him, he’s been getting increased feeding for some time now and yet there << seems >> to be very little change. Is it simply like reaching critical mass and then he’ll take off? Or is his determination to improve slackening? We don’t know.

I asked Peg whether she’s talked with dad about going home — meaning about recovering, or whether he even wants to return home — and dear heart that she is it’s a conversation she has not had the nerve to broach with him. The rehab center we picked out is definitely aimed at short-term care and moving towards independence — at the present time it’s hard to imagine how that would even be possible. It’s a case of really moving slowly — not wanting to make the wrong decisions for him and himself not being able to make them for himself. Is it too soon? We don’t know.

Doctors talk positively. Are they really believing what they say? Or are they building self-esteem? Who knows. As family we are sometimes struggling for coherent information and a way to understand what’s happening internally, consciously, and unconsciously.

Enough for now.

The greatest

The week started off encouraging — I wish it was ending on the same upbeat note it began with.

A week ago Friday the surgeon came in and said dad was ready to discharge to a rehab center and that he needed the rehab more than laying around in a hospital bed. Obviously he had not spoken with the Kidney Specialist.

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Peg and I moved house about a year and a half ago.  At THAT time I was hoping that might be the last move of my life.  Such proved not to be true.  The segue to Toledo is not really like moving an entire household, but it is almost like moving an entire business.

All my cameras and lenses, as well as computers got moved today.  After finishing up the last loosely “hanging chads” of my business I loaded the gear into the car for the trip to OH.  It was a nice day for a drive.  And quite uneventful.  Mike, Katy and Mel are here for  a couple days and after the leave I’ll get things set up and functioning.

But, I’m here for the duration.

When dad first told us about his impending surgery we planned on being here for the surgery. The plan had been surgery, 10 days in hospital, a short stay in rehab to enable him to return home and then back home to enjoy a newly invigorated retirement.

His health had gotten to the point that he could not even stand to wait for a table in a restaurant, or do some of the little chores around the house — so the surgery WAS needed. Phyllis didn’t realize how bad his situation was until he explained the doctors’ comments to her and she responded by saying, “You mean I’ve been going around with a human time-bomb?”

Long story short, he didn’t get discharged after 10 days. In fact he was still in ICU after 21 days. We are now going on 6 weeks in hospital and he still has no swallow reflex, he is on kidney dialysis, is incredibly weak, and little things keep going wrong.

Before heading to OH for the surgery, Peg had arranged to renew her family leave eligibility with her employer — Aurora Health Care. So, we had 12 weeks of available time for care. After the surgery Peg stayed here, and has been here continuously since then.

I’ve been back and forth several times — I lose track… Elapsed time and events are not my strong suite. But now it’s time for a change. She needs a break and we need to conserve leave time for other eventualities. So, I’m sort of “moving to Toledo” for the near term. For how long? Who knows. I have weddings to photograph for which I’ll make the trips back home — but not that many. It’s good that I don’t normally book a lot of weddings — if I did this would be a very difficult time — but God is Good. All the time. And he doesn’t give us more to bear than we are able.

I’m edgily awaiting Peg’s call today. Yesterday was a bad day for Frank. And this morning when Peg and I had our morning wakeup conversation she asked me to bring my Bible in case we need to prepare a funeral while I’m there. As optimistic as I am the request took me back. She’s not one to see the negative side of things. That she’s accepting the possibility that he won’t make it out of the hospital was surprizing.

We’ll see, though… God is good, all the time. And all the time, God is good.

Some time ago Frank has asked me to conduct the funeral when the time comes. I’ve done so for both of my own parents, and for a number of other folks whom I had pastored over the years. But like many passing conversations it’s not something one thinks about actively when life is moving right along. Peggy’s request brought the preciousness of life all back to the front of my mind.

For the time being it’s not a concern…. he’s still hanging in there…. but we just don’t know his tolerance for discouragement or his will to live.

My Father-in-law Frank had open heart surgery on the 20th of February. What started out as a simple 2 bypass surgery got more complicated.

After a nearly 10 hour operation that I’ll get around to talking more about as time goes on he was a pretty sick fella. The surgeon’s opening statement in his post-op consult was: “I’ve had a rough day.” followed shortly afterwards by “this would have been a difficult operation for someone 55 yrs old to endure– much less Frank’s 85 yrs.”
That was more than 5 weeks ago. During that time I have been updating the family and friends on his condition from time to time. But at this point Peggy and I are changing gears. She’s going back to work in Milwaukee and I’m moving into Frank’s house here in OH to spend time with him, try to get him to do some exercises and see whether there is any hope of him ever getting back home again.

So, Frank, these pages are for you. For you and those who love you and want to know about your progress. Get better dad — we still need you around for a while.